Evangelion: Death
by Paul Corrigan
Summary: Shinji has refused to destroy Kaoru even after Kaoru asked him to do so. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. Note: Extremely silly. Another old spamfic.


From: pcorrig@uoft02.utoledo.edu  
  
As I said, this is a fusion. I was going to say what the fusion element  
was, but I thought it might be more fun to make a game out of it. See how  
soon you can figure it out. (There's even a clue in the title.)  
Oh yes. There's spoilers in here for NGE episode 24; consider that fair  
warning. This turkey probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen that  
episode, anyway.  
Away we go.   
  
---  
(Scene: Terminal Dogma.)  
  
(The final faceoff between Shinji Ikari, the pilot of the Evangelion Unit  
One, and the 17th angel, the being known as Kaoru Nagisa.  
Evangelion Unit Two, which had been hijacked by Kaoru in his attempt to  
reach the being known as Lilith, lies on the floor by the pool of LCL that  
surrounds the crucifix where Lilith hangs, having been overwhelmed by Unit 1  
after a grim struggle.  
Now Kaoru is held fast in the grasp of Unit One's claw. All Shinji need  
do is squeeze his hand and victory over the last angel will be his.  
Now angels ought to be able to get themselves out of such sticky  
situations, using (for instance) their AT fields to defend themselves  
against the obstacles humans put in the way of the completion of their task.  
But defending himself against Unit One is precisely what Kaoru is not doing.  
On the contrary.)  
  
Kaoru: Please, destroy me.  
  
Shinji: ...  
  
Kaoru: Your kind is not the one that should die.  
  
(Kaoru looks up towards the rafters. Rei Ayanami is up there, her features  
unreadable as always. Kaoru smiles, then looks back towards Shinji.)  
  
Kaoru: I am doomed to live forever, but I can be destroyed, and frankly  
whether I live or die does not make much difference to me. Do what you must.  
Goodbye. My life has been meaningful because of you, Shinji.  
  
(A sixty-second pause, the only sound the Ode to Joy in the background.  
Finally.)  
  
Kaoru: Why do you hesitate, Shinji? A squeeze of your delicate human hand is  
all it will take. You can do it, can you not?  
  
Shinji: No, I can't.  
  
Kaoru: (whose ever-present smile betrays a little puzzlement) I'm sorry?  
  
Shinji: (freaking out) NO I CAN'T!   
  
Kaoru: (soothing) Now, now, darling, don't get excited...  
  
Shinji: (tears in his eyes) How could I possibly hurt you? I couldn't hurt  
Suzuhara, even after he kicked my ass on the first day of school! If I  
couldn't do that, how could I kill the only person who never treated me with  
anything but kindness, who never did anything to hurt me?  
  
Kaoru: (his smile beginning to crack just a little) Dear, my only purpose in  
life was to destroy the human race. My displays of affection were merely  
designed to invoke "alarm and despondency" in humanity's defender. That  
doesn't bother you just a little?  
  
Shinji: I don't care about humanity! I can only care about what's important  
to me! I care about you! About us! I pilot the Eva for myself, and I want  
you to live for myself!  
  
Kaoru: (to himself, his head hung, but the smile still present) What a  
terribly self-centered young boy. (looks up towards Rei) I can finally admit  
it; you were right. I suppose it's better this way. It'd never have worked out.   
  
Rei: ...  
  
Kaoru: Oh, all right. You were better than he was too.  
  
Shinji: Um, Kaoru, who are you talking to?  
  
Kaoru: (to Shinji) Oh, hush. (to Rei) I'm sorry, but this can't be helped.   
(to Shinji) So you can't injure one who never hurt you personally? Very  
well, then, darling; there's something I didn't want to tell you, but I can  
hold back no longer. Last night I visited the First Child in her  
apartment...and we became one in mind and body and soul.  
  
Shinji: You WHAT?  
  
Kaoru: (off-hand) Well, actually only body, but she didn't seem to mind at  
the time.  
  
Shinji: KAORU!  
  
(Rei looks _very_ embarrassed, and starts blushing like mad.)  
  
(Scene: The NERV Command Center.  
The monitors that had been displaying the battle before visual contact  
with Terminal Dogma was lost because of jamming by an AT field--courtesy of  
Rei, though nobody there, with the possible exception of Commander Gendo  
Ikari, could possibly know that--remain blank for a second.  
Suddenly they come back on line.)  
  
Lt. Maya Ibuki: Major! The AT field has dissipated! Visual contact restored!  
  
Major Misato Katsuragi: (clearly relieved) Oh, thank God! What's going on  
down there?  
  
Maya: The angel seems to be...talking to Unit One, sir...  
  
Misato: Patch it through on speakers! (to herself) Can't take that music  
anymore...  
  
Maya: Patching it through, ma'am.  
  
(The audio comes on line. All on the bridge can now see and hear the  
proceedings, and watch and listen astounded...)  
  
Kaoru: (over speakers) Later that very evening I went to the ward where the  
Second Child lay, and had my way with her too.  
  
Shinji: (shaking visibly) You liar!  
  
Kaoru: Why would I about something like that, my love? (sighs; a look of  
rapture on his face) Words fail to describe how wonderful comatose girls can  
be...  
  
Shinji: (also over the speakers; seething with fury) You scum! I'll kill you!  
  
Kaoru: (lisping slightly) You go girl!  
  
Misato: (completely flabbergasted) What the _fuck_...  
  
Commander Ikari: (his expression hidden by his gloves, as always) Must you  
ask, Major? The angel is obviously trying to goad Pilot One into  
annihiliating him. Oh, and by the way, please refrain from such language in  
my presence.  
  
Misato: All right, fine. Why the _heck_ would it do that?  
  
(Ikari seems to consider that question for a moment.)  
  
Misato: Well?  
  
Ikari: (finally) Why not?  
  
(Misato facefaults.)  
  
Kaoru: (over speakers; lisp now in full force) Did I mention I banged the  
Major in the ladies' room while I was on a roll, bitch?  
  
Misato: (suddenly furious) I can't believe that tattle-tale son of a b...  
  
(She suddenly realizes everybody in the command center is staring at her as  
if she was from Mars--except for Ikari, who remains unflappable as ever.)  
  
Ikari: Care to explain that last outburst, Major?  
  
Misato: (moving her hand behind her head, sweatdropping visibly) Well, it's,  
ah, not what it sounded like, Commander, I swear...heh heh heh...  
  
Shinji: (over speakers; his voice is suddenly calm but forceful) No.  
  
(The full attention of everyone in the commander is restored.)  
  
Shinji: (over speakers) I can't. I won't. Not like this. (Pause.) Father,  
can you hear me?  
  
Ikari: (clearly irritated) What is it?  
  
Shinji: Please, father. Give the order to eject me from the Eva.  
  
Ikari: What the devil for? Destroy the angel!  
  
Shinji: Father. Kaoru is a human being. The Eva was never meant to be used  
to kill human beings. I can't use the Eva to kill Kaoru. I'm sorry.  
  
(And the Eva very gently places Kaoru on the floor of Terminal Dogma. A  
deathly silence fills the command center--due in no large part to the  
cessation of the Ode to Joy.)  
  
Shinji: (to Kaoru, firmly and deliberately) Kaoru. You. Me. The beach where  
we first met. Two hours.  
  
Kaoru: (the smile gone--along with the affected lisp, thank God--a look of  
bewilderment on his face) I don't understand.  
  
Shinji: You don't?  
  
Kaoru: No.  
  
Shinji: Quite simple, really...  
  
Kaoru: ...  
  
Rei: ...  
  
Misato: ...  
  
Maya: ...  
  
Ikari: ...  
  
Shinji: ...I WANNA KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!  
  
(Everyone but Ikari facefaults--including of all unlikely people, Rei.  
Which is unfortunate for her, because it causes her to tumble over the  
railing and to her demise in the pool of LCL.)  
  
Maya: (horrified) Oh my God! They killed Ayanami!  
  
Shinji: You bastard!  
  
Kaoru: (hanging his head again) I don't understand. Why must the lilim  
_always_ do things the _hard_ way?  
  
--   
Paul Corrigan  
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu  
  



End file.
